Today is August 8th 2014.
Back then it was February 8th 2013.
Today is the day.
The day my suspended sentence ends.
18 months that have changed my life.
So I think a few thank you's are in order.
My beautiful other half, you have held my hand through all of this, you mad bugger. I love you.
You have inspired me, supported me and made me a better person. You have trusted me to build a better life for us, to find myself, to find my way back to you, with patience and love and for that, I will be forever grateful.
My amazing in-laws, I will never understand your odd relationship with your dog or your obsession with quiz nights, you are beautiful kind people and I am proud to be part of your family. You hop in the car and zoom down the M6 when I'm in hospital, you give me hugs on Christmas day and a special place under the tree for my presents, you buy spontaneous gifts of cook books or hoovers, because you know their much needed. Sarah is the epitomy of your kindness, and she will bring it to our children, honesty and strength, you are really quite something <3
My friends, I've spent my entire life looking for you, and over the past year or so, I've discovered who you really are. You are the girl I grew up with, buying me Villeroy and Boch for my birthday as we strive to grow up and be the women we dreamt we would be, you are incredible, beautiful and a rock I've loved for a decade xx
To the man who saved me from a strange place and had faith that I would do him right one day. You gave me stability and hope. I will repay it <3
The people who don't know me, but read this blog and found they did, you helped keep me on the right track and supported me through it all. Kind words from strangers, and even donations to a page, you will never know how much I thank you, but I'll show you in everything that I do.
Silly things like people in other worlds engaging, through little comments and kind words. It keeps me driven and humble, it's more than I deserve. Thank you.
You are the people who saw my crowdfunding page on facebook and got back in touch, you invested your £5, £10, time and kind words, you gave me the confidence and pride to strive for me and keep at it. You are the secret cake baker, whose mum is legendary and still makes me laugh to think of. You are the rugby player who has the worlds most beautiful hair and heart - and who my mum actually liked (holy crap) You are the woman I want to be, you know just what to say, you keep me grounded and inspired, I read your blog every day. You are the trader, the magician, the reason I've put on a stone, when I see you, I can't help but smile because you are passionate and you are kind. We started out together and we've made our merry way, last week that hug in the rain, really saved my day. You are the full set I inherited through my lovely other half, you are the creative strong one, with words of wisdom beyond your age. You are the lawyer, the insightful, the quiet and the strong. You are the new girl, my love, my 400th twitter follower, my best friend and my goodness you are beautiful and know me better than I know myself, with posh cordials for presents and hugs on-tap, I am lucky girl, to have all of you. You make me better. You've made me Fran.
It's started to sound a bit poem like, but I'm writing as I feel, you have changed me and made me, and I feel so grateful. It's raining outside, literally bouncing off the pavement. I'm sat in my pyjama's on a Friday, they have dinosaurs on. I'm 27 and I'm happy, or the closest I've ever been. She is sat on the sofa, looking over recipes and ideas and we are brainstorming and we are working and we are planning our next move.
Today it's shepherds pie, we are reading Delia. The food is cooking, the house smells amazing. The cat is asleep on the window sill. This is heaven.
I have searched my whole life, for normal. For love. For pride. And I feel it as I'm typing.
We picked blackberries in the garden, to make a pie and some jam, as you do on a Friday in Longsight....
There are people in my life who have shown me what I lost. There are people who have trusted me. There are people who care.
I've had encouragement, support and love. I really am the luckiest girl in the world.
SO, it's 18 months on, and the next 18 are set to be a game changer, a life changer, a real step up.
We have markets, workshops, wholesale, business is good.
We have wedding planning and baby making and a life we knew we would.
I made the biggest mistakes of my life, and I wake up every day feeling guilty.
I feel angry and sad and wonder how to get up and make it right.
That is exactly what I'll do.
Positives over negatives.
Every single day.
Until this suspended sentence, isn't a death sentence.
It's just a sentence on a page.
