No matter where I am.
The biggest "positive over negative" I'm yet to stamp.
It was the city that made me and I'm about to make it my own. Hows that for a turn around?
I went to London on Friday, I stepped off the train and felt it run through me, the feeling, the knowing, that it is there I am meant to be. Sarah and I have been playing with the idea of moving to the country, getting away from it all, commuting, baking, living, loving.... and then we got off that train.... we are London.
We walk through Euston hand in hand like we've done it every day of our lives, we glide through the underground barriers with the grazing of an oyster card and we are rolling through the caverns of the city to a better place. That's what London is to me.. now.
It's a city of demons, and memories and hurt. It's a city of dreams and hopes and futures.
My future.
I had the greatest opportunity of my life on Friday. For the first time since starting out on this adventure, I felt really really worth something.... like all the hard work, it's been worth it. Every day, a struggle, striving, it's all worth it.
Late rent days, credit card bills, council tax monsters, and a court case or two from hell. It is worth it. Because I know exactly who I am meant to be. Not disillusion. Not lost.
This Francesca Barker, is destined to be great. To make change. To build and bring hope.
Why?
Because it's entirely possible.
Anything is possible.
One of the greatest inspirations anyone could have in business, as a woman, is Michelle Mone, magical, beautiful, and ferociously brilliant and if you were ever in doubt of such thing, then you've obviously not been paying enough attention to the Scottish Referendum!
We all have people in our lives, through TV screens, magazines, business and more, that we want to emulate, that we want to become.
Well she is exactly that.
One of the first few people I followed on Twitter, fascinated by the drive and determination to be distinctive and dominant, successful, independent.
Who wouldn't want all of those things?
There are women in business, who have inspired me to make this business something formidable, something known, something powerful, it is going to be the vehicle for change I dreamt it would be and I going to make it happen.
So thank you to people like Hilary Devey, Michelle Mone and Lorraine Pascale, to name a few. Through the power of social media, I find it hard not to feel invigorated and determined to do more!
Struggling with mental health issues and battling drug addiction often leaves you feeling ironically powerless. You let your demons run your life and find excuses a-plenty as to why you can't take control.
So what do you do?
In my case? You waste a decade of your life lost in a world of over compensating, over eager people pleasing, over selling bullshit, when all you needed to do was take control.
I did.
I took it. I held it. I ran with it and I won't ever stop.
London. Friday. Mentoring session with Michelle Mone and an award for Best Female Entrepreneur.
Bonkers.
I have pieces of paper, ten to the dozen, that say who I am, what I've done, the good and the bad.
I now have a piece of glass in my living room and it's my pride and joy.
I've never felt such pride. Such vision. Such inspiration.
The Barker Baker has only just begun, that's a scary concept considering how much has come to pass for this little business and me in just a year!
Next week, I'm going to a prison. To talk bread.
I said to Sarah whilst walking home from our grocery shop this morning, I'm the luckiest baker in the world.
My workshops arn't just about baking. It's about showing people what can happen with a little bit of faith and a lot of hard work.
A future.
So you can bake a loaf, you can bake ten, you can start a business, you can feed your family. Semantics.
You can spend an hour of your day, free, creating, learning, thinking, sharing.
You can plan your life and see new choices. Choices you didn't even know were there.
Jane Mason and her amazing Virtuous Bread changed my life.
I baked one day. I baked for two. I baked for three.
I had no job. My life was a mess. I had no self worth, no confidence, no hope.
I baked again.
I baked for gifts.
I baked for friends, I baked for thank you's, I'm sorry's, I love you's.
Bread. It made me.
A year ago, a follower on Twitter, said this :-
Michelle Mone hugged me on Friday and said I was an inspiration. That she had read all about me and was inspired.
The woman who inspired me, inspired by my life?
I'm going to hold that in my heart.
Positives over negatives.
Come on London, lets have you!
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