Conscience calling

Am I good?
Am I bad?
The conflict drives me mad.

Are my decisions the right ones?
Am I making them for myself?
Are they selfish?
Careless?
Caring?
I don't know who I am.
I have lost my way.

I thought I had my life mapped out,
I was feeling so safe and secure,
And now I can't breathe,
I want to just lie here on the floor.

I'm suffocating, in sin, in sadness, in fear,
Where did I go?
What happened to the person I fell in love with?
The person I became, to be good, to be kind, to be sane.
I just don't feel the same.

Give me all the medication,
Maybe the drugs will sort me out,
Because inside I'm screaming,
And there's a version of me trying to get out.

Is this the life I live forever?
Smothering demons and darkness inside.
Living a good life, a nice life,
But in fear these lips will tell lies.

I'm proud. I've achieved such greatness.
So why do I feel this way?
That one wrong move, one false move,
Will wash it all away?

The self for-filling prophecy,
The ticking time bomb,
The eternal self destruct,
The button I love to push,
To watch it all blow up.

Why?
Why?
Set this all on fire,
For what?

The cycle,
Over and over,
Break it,
For the love of god,
Shake it.
It'll destroy everything you love.
Everything you have built.

It's the good, the bad and the ugly,
And they are all game for a fight.
In head and in heart,
Tearing you apart.
It's soul destroying, suffocating.

You trust yourself to be better,
You believe it,
Because its true.
This version, this you,
It's pure, its kind,
It has to stick.
It has to hold,
Because there's so much good to come.
Don't let it come undone.

Don't believe the bad people say,
What do they know anyway?
Mistakes. Paid.
Bed, Made.
Work harder,
Prove them wrong.
Prove them right.
Just don't give up the fight.

It's exhausting.
Being constantly at war.
Defending yourself to the world and his dog,
Defending yourself to your own core.
It's draining.
It's hurting.
I'm tired.

Try, try, try,
Cry, cry, cry.
Why, why, why.
Just don't tell lies lies lies.

You're better than that now.

Do you believe them when they say you are better?
That you should be proud?
Do you hold onto the shit and the hurt and let it cloud?

Who are you?
Only you know.
The good, the bad and the ugly.
Fight for the right.
Fight for the true.
Fight for the kind and honest you.

It has to be.
It has to be.
Please