Pound of Flesh

 

I shake as a type,

Don’t believe the hype.

Misinformation is everywhere.

And it may well have come from me.

If you could see, me

The one that exists now,

Maybe you’d fight less,

To take away my crown.

But to want, to restore

Justice and glory to your tribe

You come at me,

Harder,

To take what’s mine.

Maybe you see it as yours

After all that’s come before

But it’s not.

I built this post apocolpyse

From the ashes and the dirt

From the breakdown

From the psych wards,

From the closed doors,

Its unfair they shout

Why her they pout

It’s not fair they share

Amongst the war rabble

Gather

Gather

Closer in

Suffocate

Eradicate

All that she is

Pain and pleasure

So intermingled

It’s justice they harp

Aim for the heart

And burn it all

Apart

Tear them

Scare them

Brutal in the truth

Your right

I’m wrong

It’s your line

My song

But your beat

On the battle drum

Fran your time has come

End of days

End of nows

End of futures, pasts and present

To strike you back

With full attack

In a way most unpleasant

Stick you in that room

That will consume

The good the hope the dreams

Because its your fault

YOUR FAULT YOUR FAULT

They scream and scream and scream.

Hate

So much hate

And youre right to feel that way

But that person

That fantasy

Doesn’t exist

Not today

So youre punishing a memory

A night terror

A monster

That stalked the night and day

But your adamant

So adamant the monster has to pay

Take it all

Take the hope

The life, the liberty

Take the friends, take the love,

Destroy the family

She deserves it

Punish her

Push her face into the ground

Suffocate her

With our honest truths

So she can’t make another sound.

Danger such danger

The words that she can speak

And the lies she tells

Just watch her

She will start to leak.

The façade the mask the lovely face of day

It’s fake you know,

We’ll show you so,

We will wash it all away.

In flames of fire and integrity

We will show you who she is

The demon the defrauder the monster deep within

She got married you know

God help the girl

Who fell for her lines

Because shes poison

Yes shes poison

And it starts from deep inside

Smiles, All smiles

As she lies to your face

We will protect the world

TO make so sure

They don’t suffer the same disgrace.

 

Stop this please

JUST LOOK AT ME

LOOK AT ME AND SEE

 This demon, the monster,

It really isn’t me.

You got caught in the storm

You washed ashore

And I promised a life line

But the life line

The rope

It chokes

It broke

It died.

Stop this please

Stop this now.

I can’t breathe

You’re consuming me

You’re killing me

And taking all that’s good

I hate myself

I hate it

I do, I’ve paid the price

To live with this

It’s costly, its penance enough

So pounds are paid in cash and flesh

And still you want more

You won’t stop

I see

I know that now

Until I’m back down on the floor

Under foot

Under stood

To know my place

But you don’t know me

You don’t see how I’ve changed everything but my face

I worked

I fought

I drowned

Then swam

And floated back up

To breathe again

I can’t sleep again

I’m scared again

I can’t

Please stop. Just stop.

I can’t do this

I’ve given you all I’ve got.

I’m good

I’m kind

I’m here.

I’m sorry

Please stop being so blind.

Christmas Card

I got a card in the post one Christmas,

It had a photo of boy,

With eyes like mine.

Merry Christmas

From a stranger

Who's name was Edward.

I don't know anyone called Edward.

But I do love a good Christmas card.

I read it ten times or more,

Sat on the piano stool practicing my scales.

Then like a scene from Harry Potter,

The Dursleys snapped what was mine,

Precious in pen,

And it disappeared never to be seen again.

Why though

How though

Who was this invisible boy?

Why did he write to me?

Was he a pen pal?

Maybe he was looking for a friend,

I know I needed one.

What perfect circumstance brought you to my door?

Well now you're embers in the Christmas family hearth

Burning,

Like the questions in my heart.

And then there's your name again, in type cast,

Council special.

The kind of black and white text that says "worry"

The kind of black and white text of NHS letters,

Bail notices, court orders, and social services supreme.

E d w a r d

Brother.

Oh there you are.

And look there's more.

Trawl the typography and you'll find her.

Donna.

I've never heard that name before.

Who are you?

Sister.

Well this is new.

A family on page two.

I would have liked to know you.

I suppose better late than never.

I wish I had understood your letter.

The postmark,

Where you were,

Why you wrote.

I feel like it's not just time they stole.

It's the hammering,

Chisling in my heart,

To widen and deepen this hole.

I know I have parts missing

And I've been looking for a link

And there you were,

In pen and ink.

I've been wondering why I don't feel myself,

Why I don't fit here,

And it's only now it makes sense.

Because I've got you here.

And I hold you dear.

Love.

For pieces that got lost along the way.

For parts of me that never got a say.

We're like a jigsaw

And you can tell we were made by the Irish

Because none of the pieces fit quite right

But theres something in the silence of knowing you,

That makes me feel like things could now be alright.

I wrote today that I wish I could have grown up with you

And that's a childhood dream,

But I wouldn't change it, because you wouldn't want to see what I've seen.

I wouldn't have wanted to be that person,

The one I was before,

Because I was cold and mean.

Time has taught me to be kinder,

Hopeful.

Love harder, softer.

And open up parts of me that have never seen the light.

Because I trust that you are me, and I am you,

And we always win

We always fight.

I've done things wrong,

That I try to put right,

And you hold up my integrity.

Through your love of me

And you see all that is true

Because your family

Because you are you.

I wanted to know what love meant

And I spent years trying to find out

I made friends,

Lost more,

Broke my heart

Broke theirs too

It was all the long road

The long game

Of fate leading me to you.

So hello brother

Hello sister

I've missed you

And I'm so glad that your hear

Because it's 2020

And when covid says we can't breathe,

I can, for the first time in my life.

To love you

My wife,

I've built my little nest,

And I've gotta tell you,

It really is the best <3