Christmas Card

I got a card in the post one Christmas,

It had a photo of boy,

With eyes like mine.

Merry Christmas

From a stranger

Who's name was Edward.

I don't know anyone called Edward.

But I do love a good Christmas card.

I read it ten times or more,

Sat on the piano stool practicing my scales.

Then like a scene from Harry Potter,

The Dursleys snapped what was mine,

Precious in pen,

And it disappeared never to be seen again.

Why though

How though

Who was this invisible boy?

Why did he write to me?

Was he a pen pal?

Maybe he was looking for a friend,

I know I needed one.

What perfect circumstance brought you to my door?

Well now you're embers in the Christmas family hearth

Burning,

Like the questions in my heart.

And then there's your name again, in type cast,

Council special.

The kind of black and white text that says "worry"

The kind of black and white text of NHS letters,

Bail notices, court orders, and social services supreme.

E d w a r d

Brother.

Oh there you are.

And look there's more.

Trawl the typography and you'll find her.

Donna.

I've never heard that name before.

Who are you?

Sister.

Well this is new.

A family on page two.

I would have liked to know you.

I suppose better late than never.

I wish I had understood your letter.

The postmark,

Where you were,

Why you wrote.

I feel like it's not just time they stole.

It's the hammering,

Chisling in my heart,

To widen and deepen this hole.

I know I have parts missing

And I've been looking for a link

And there you were,

In pen and ink.

I've been wondering why I don't feel myself,

Why I don't fit here,

And it's only now it makes sense.

Because I've got you here.

And I hold you dear.

Love.

For pieces that got lost along the way.

For parts of me that never got a say.

We're like a jigsaw

And you can tell we were made by the Irish

Because none of the pieces fit quite right

But theres something in the silence of knowing you,

That makes me feel like things could now be alright.

I wrote today that I wish I could have grown up with you

And that's a childhood dream,

But I wouldn't change it, because you wouldn't want to see what I've seen.

I wouldn't have wanted to be that person,

The one I was before,

Because I was cold and mean.

Time has taught me to be kinder,

Hopeful.

Love harder, softer.

And open up parts of me that have never seen the light.

Because I trust that you are me, and I am you,

And we always win

We always fight.

I've done things wrong,

That I try to put right,

And you hold up my integrity.

Through your love of me

And you see all that is true

Because your family

Because you are you.

I wanted to know what love meant

And I spent years trying to find out

I made friends,

Lost more,

Broke my heart

Broke theirs too

It was all the long road

The long game

Of fate leading me to you.

So hello brother

Hello sister

I've missed you

And I'm so glad that your hear

Because it's 2020

And when covid says we can't breathe,

I can, for the first time in my life.

To love you

My wife,

I've built my little nest,

And I've gotta tell you,

It really is the best <3