The Big Bad Wolf

I search the internet for your name,

I don’t know why,

It causes pain,

But I have to know where you are,

To find you no matter just how far,

I have no shame,

Not any more,

I scream your name from every shore,

Because  exorcising you will make me pure.

I’ll be free, I’ll be sane,

I won’t have to think of you again.

Your dirty and your sick,

Only thinking with you dick,

Did you ever stop to think,

That you’d leave my heart so heavy,

That it’d sink?

Oh daddy, you’re so wrong,

You’ve been hiding for so long,

But I’ll find you,

I’ll call you out,

I’ll show you what I’m all about.

Bloodlines bind us,

But you didn’t care for that,

You had your way,

Threw me away,

And now the day draws near.

When I find you,

I’ll show you,

What its like to live in fear.

Words and shapes moved me,

They were stuck inside my head,

Sometimes I felt so lost,

I thought it better to be dead.

My heart was filled with sorrow,

As I dreaded each tomorrow,

But judgement day will come

And your freedom will be done.

Your conscience it will get you,

As I happily forget you,

You’ll just be a dirty old man,

With no little girl, and no little Fran,

Thank god for social services,

They ripped me from your grasp,

I hate them for giving you another chance,

They should have acted fast.

They knew they saw a monster,

And they let you walk free,

They let you creep closer,

And keep your hands on me.

I read it all on paper,

Like some sick story,

A sad book.

But as I grow older,

I don’t really give a fuck.

Because your just a memory,

From the life I had before,

I don’t have to feel this way,

And I won’t any more.

The truth it was destructive,

But in a way it set me free,

Gave me the answers I needed,

And let me be me.

Are you why I can’t give in?

Are you why I hide?

Are you why I don’t like letting people,

Get too close or inside?

You made me think like you do,

That being wrong is somehow right,

You made me watch the doorknob,

Every single night.

For that I can’t forgive you,

And not many would or will,

Because I’ve got your number Wayne Hall,

And I won’t give in.

Justice will be done,

So I don’t have to come undone.

I know my past,

It matters not,

I am lucky to have a second shot,

To take this knowledge,

Use it well,

Forget you now,

Forget you well,

I move forward,

I walk tall,

I bury you deep now,

I forget it all.

Demons can linger,

They can hang about,

But I’m done crying,

I won’t scream or shout.

Just writing this somehow frees me,

I’m sure it reads so sad,

About a man that was a monster,

Big and ugly and bad.

It is a sad story.

A story about my dad.